Friday, September 18, 2009

just a little less for just a little more

Thanks for failing me, technology.

Today I finally spoke to my mom on the phone. This was on the way home from school.

I didn't have class today but instead I engaged in an animated conversation with my journalism prof, a great lunch with a friend and submitted my Co-Op application.

All was going pretty well. I signed papers to start UVic's first Social Justice Studies Course Union and then proceeded home to hang out with my beautiful roommates. It was sunny today and they brought snow to school for good times, good cheer and plenty of beer.

I get home and minutes later receive a call from the radio station informing me of two, TWO, interviews I have on Tuesday for sweet work study jobs. Yes, I get to get paid for being a huge music nerd! :)

Then, I check my email and sure enough I got accepted into the professional writing Co-op program and now have the opportunity to travel and write for mula next summer! (I'm majorly relieved they liked my portfolio!)

Plus. FINALLY I got a special little letter in the mail that I had been waiting for. :D

After two weeks of dealing with failing technology, I realized that because I was not distracted by my Crackberry (which still lies in shambles), my laptop (which shuts down periodically and doesn't have a functioning keyboard) and my iPod (which just stopped living), I had a chance to explore all these other things and actually get my life together.

Contrary to what the media tries to sell us, the less "time saving" technology I had in my life, the more I accomplished. Give it a try folks. Maybe you'll actually pick up a book!!

I talked to friends on my crappy loner phone from Rogers instead of relying on texts and made an effort to call home. I stopped stressing about how I've had soo many setbacks since I've arrived here and focused on all the kickass opportunities I've been presented with!

I'm stoked for the future, but I have to work my ass off.

If you don't hear from me personally in the next few weeks, it isn't because I don't love you. It's more so a matter of burying myself in my 6 classes, 2 jobs and 2 volunteer projects! Student suicide? Nah, I'd like to say I'm just doing what I love!

I dare you to pick up a book or call someone you haven't talked to in a long time. Or maybe find a pen pal! We can't stop being personal--it's just too important!

Peace, love and rock and roll,


P.S. Ask for my address and write me letters (via snail mail). I assure I will answer them!

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

and my old friend(s)

Behind the jam space I kissed summer goodbye. It was not easy. I was convinced that I was leaving behind the only things that made perfect sense to me even when nothing made sense: my friends (aka the family) and the scene that keeps us all ticking.
There was a lot of silence that night as we sat on wooden flats downtown by the train tracks. The silence was of the contemplative type. A settling, mutual understanding that summer was coming to an end and we’d all have to stop relying on alcohol and irony and actually face reality.
The brisk 2am air dried many tears as we held each other under stars clouded by stifling smoke.

Nature has to burn to make room for rebirth.
I was convinced that by moving away I was burning my life in Kamloops to accommodate rebirth in my next stage of growth in Victoria.
This is where I was dead wrong. I don’t have to burn my past in order to embrace my future.
Tonight I realized I carry my past with me and incorporate it into my future.
Four words: We Are the City.
“My old friend. Tell me where have you been? Have I wasted away? Did you wait till the end? ...All the stars are still here. All my tears turn to time.”
It started as six of us at the Pavillion Theatre listening to that song. A solid two years ago we swayed with our arms around each other. We were strung together by sound, and that string is still holding strong.
Little did we know how we would end up. And little still do we know what the future holds for us...
But somehow that band brought us all closer together.
Tonight was my first night seeing WatC without my “besties” (as Jolene would say). I thought it was going to be way harder than it was; but I realized as soon as they started playing, I felt each and every single one of the gang with me. Just like how we’ve seen tons of bands together.
Somehow that band takes me home to them.

There were times my eyes were stinging.
(Such as during “there are very tiny beasts in the ground” oh, the many times we got that chorus stuck in our heads!)
However, these were only almost tears. Very different from the soft sobs during poison oak in the car on that night, the final night of summer. This time I experienced a liberating, everything-is-going-to-be-alright flourishing within. A ball of emotion kept creeping into my throat and I constantly swallowed it back down because things are how they are supposed to be!
During their set, everything was clear and blurry at the same time. There was no space or time.
“Maybe there’s a weight in the words ‘I MISS YOU’ do they repress you? That’s the way love moves.”
Maybe that is the way love does move. Once you are removed from something/one that you think you’ll always have, everything because clearer and more intense. Time apart gives me an opportunity for re-evaluation and self-examination.
It’s human nature to want what is not accessible to us. It just sucks that sometimes we achieve clarity when it’s too late...or is it ever too late?
In a state of missing someone or a particular feeling, it makes me value the wondrous moments I do experience. It’s strange how I can miss so much, yet absolutely love where I am. I'm intoxicated by the sounds, the smells, the vibe, the people and essentially everything about Victoria. Everything is inspiration and everything breathes life into me! But...

“I miss my house I miss my home I miss my grade six love.”
Up until tonight I was perfectly convinced that I was residing in two completely different realms. My Kamloops life was so different from my Victoria life. But that’s entirely false. As the important people from both lives become well-acquainted the line begins to blur. Tonight I felt it disappear. I am home.
With a Kamloops friend on my right side, and a future life-long UVic friend to my left, I felt everything become whole. After first year, I was convinced that both sides could never mesh. However, as I became more self-aware this summer, I came to understand that there were never two sides, just two parts of the same thing.

I became whole.
Even when I feel like parts of me are missing, they aren’t entirely...I just interact with them in a different way.
(Such as when home calls and I hear them playing the same CD in the background that I was currently listening too. Yes, that CD was WatC what a strange little coincidence...)

We are still connected, only physical space separates us.
We may not be at the same shows but we’ll be seeing the same bands. And I’ll be thinking of you guys, and I hope you think of me.
A wise roommate told me about a tattoo that reads: we carry with us everything we need. It’s a truism that I now aim to live by. No matter where the wind carries me, I will always carry with me those I love and whom have impacted my life.
Recently, a young friend commented on how when I return we have to make the best out of our time together. I told him that I live like that all the time. We have to live life like that because when everything else washes away, we’re only left with moments.

Let no Time, be Wasted, My Old Friend.